A Message From: The CattimothyTech Dept.

T= 1:00:24 since launch

Dear valued subscriber,

Thank you for joining us on the amazing journey into freedom. It has been a truly inspiring five thousand and forty seconds in which we came together in the spirit of unity that shaped our great nation. When our founder, CIO, CFO and CEO Timothy the Talking Cat outlined his vision for a truly free and anti-elite tech platform for all Americans, we were inspired by how many of you rallied around his cause to break free of the shackles of facebooktwittergoogle. This was how the service you have come to know and love over the many minutes of its existence as ¡TIMMR❣ came into being and since then you have sent tens of Timmerts (as we like to call them).

Sadly, we will not be able to offer you the experience of streaming video-based emoji avatars that we initially promised. This purely because we are redirecting our efforts into even more exciting features to the ¡TIMMR❣ platform.

T= 1:00:35 since launch

Update: Thank you to all of you in the big ¡TIMMR❣ community. You are all truly striking a blow for freedom! You may have heard negative coverage from the big media corporations (most of which are in the pocket of Big Tech!) that ¡TIMMR❣ is an unsecured cess pool of toxic extremists mitigated only by trolls posting obscene animated gifs in an attempt to disrupt popular hash-tags (or TimTags as we love to call them!). Nothing could be further from the truth!

T= 1:00:40 since launch

Update: Dear subscriber. We are writing to inform you that your email address, password and possibly your credit card details and the plans to your house may have been compromised in a malicious hack of our service. ¡TIMMR❣ would like to thank you for your ongoing support. All ten of you will receive 80 thousand TIMMRcoins (the cyrpto-currency you can trust!) in compensation.

T= 1:00:45 since launch

Update: Dear subscriber. We are writing to inform you that you can no longer purchase, exchange or use TIMMRcoins due to our payment gateway being closed down by multiple payment services, financial institutions and the central banks of oh..maybe six? seven? central banks of major countries. The good news is that we will be shortly rolling out an extension of our 200 character limit on Timmerts to 250 characters!

T= 1:00:46 since launch

Update: The Timmert character limit extension has been postponed.

T= 1:00:50 since launch

Update: Dear subscriber. Once again thank you all for joining us on the ¡TIMMR❣ experience!

We have decided to close the service for the time being while our servers get industrially cleaned or maybe just incinerated. Ha, ha! Who knew “toxic cesspool” could turn out to be a literal description! The good news is that aside from fumes and a few acid burns, everybody here at ¡TIMMR❣ HQ is absolutely fine and once again we must stress that news reports are exaggerated.

T= 1:00:55 since launch

Update: Dear subscriber. Sadly the promised shutdown of the ¡TIMMR❣ service has been postponed. The platform appears to have “escaped”. Hey! We always said your Timmerts would go viral! ha, ha! Good times, right? But seriously, your message history may have gone viral in a bad way.

T= 1:00:56 since launch

Update: Dear subscriber. We would like to acknowledge that the tone of the last update may have been inappropriate in light of the symptoms you may be facing. We would like to clarify that it is not possible for text messages in any platform to literally become viruses. We can assure you that any biological effects you are experiencing are unrelated or I don’t know…psychosomatic. Just stop obsessing about it and the boils will go away. Come on. We haven’t inflicted pustules on you…that’s just lamestream media propaganda.

T= 1:00:59 since launch

Update: No, we are NOT blaming you for the plague of buboes you may be experiencing.

T= 1:01:01 since launch

Update: The Center for Disease Control have asked us to convey to all subscribers that it is imperative that they report any symptoms to a health professional.

T= 1:01:11 since launch

Update: CDC advice is now to lock yourself in the bathroom.

T= 1:01:21 since launch

Update: Hi. A loved one, relative or house-mate of yours may have recently signed up for our exciting new social media experience ¡TIMMR❣ (Where Freedom is just a Timmert Away!). If this is the case you may be hearing loud growling noises from your bathroom. Do NOT open the bathroom door. Please close all windows and exit your building in a calm and orderly manner.

T= 1:01:25 since launch


T= 1:01:35 since launch

Buy This Domain For Your Business!

T= 7:21:11 since launch

[This is Federal Disaster Warning System: Stay in your homes until the threat is contained.]

T= 21530:33:17 since launch

Damn! This computer is still on! Amazing! This is some great tech from the Before Times. Hey! If you are out there and reading this, we are a group of survivors who are rebuilding civilisation! Contact us by replying! We just found this place and it still has the lights on and it has some sort of power source. We’ve got great plans! If you want to connect with us just reply. We are building a network of groups of humans that are uninfected and looking after one another.

T= 21530:35:06 since launch

Wow! There really is some great tech here. I don’t know what these people were working on but it looks like the hardware here is self-repairing. There’s some system here called “TIMMR” keeping things going. It’s in a locked server room but if we can just break-in, we may have a way of getting things back up and running quicker than anyone ever imagined!

T= 21530:40:00 since launch


T= 1245667721530:10:00 since launch

all is timmr…timmr is all

11 responses to “A Message From: The CattimothyTech Dept.”

  1. Cess Poll: a ballot paper where all the choices stink.

    “I could only choose between Michael Gove, George Galloway Barney the Dinosaur and Dread Cthulhu, total Cess Poll”

    Liked by 3 people

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