Today’s Infographic: Brexit – next steps

With only days to go before the UK topples out of the EU onto the hard pavement outside the pub and wallows in its own vomit drunk on the heady liquor of confused nationalism, here is a helpful flowchart to show how the next events may progress.

With apologies to this Guardian chart: https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2019/mar/19/brexit-will-uk-leave-29-march-delayed-stopped

55 thoughts on “Today’s Infographic: Brexit – next steps

  1. Whilst painting my narrow boats for the past fortnight, the Greggs vegan sausage roll was often my lunchtime choice.

    Very tasty they were too!

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  2. I now eagerly await either the revived King Arthur or the Ghost of Cromwell to apply for rejoining the EU, only to be rebuffed with, “No, we want nothing more to do with the likes of you. And please make sure that your wandering Piers Morgan does not cross the Channel to peddle vegan sausage rolls.”

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  3. My dear friend’s company laid off 70% of their UK workforce and moved the jobs to Poland, citing Brexit uncertainty.

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      1. I guess I’m one of the few people who’ve actually seen an increase in business due to Brexit, because I’ve gotten a lot of birth certificates, marriage certificates, diplomas, etc… from Brits applying for German citizenship to translate. Occasionaly, I also get the opposite – children of British-German couples applying for British citizenship.

        Before Brexit, I used to get two to three UK birth certificates to translate per year. Last month alone, I had four.

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      2. I wish I’d tried harder in school with any of the languages I ended up studying, but I never thought something like this would happen and screw the country so badly that I’d actually want or need to get another citizenship.

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      3. I don’t know how other countries handle this, but in Germany you must have lived in the country for eight years to apply for citizenship plus you must pass a citizenship test and speak the language and either provide some kind of certificate (that’s why lots of Brits need their diplomas translated) or take a language test. If you’re a holocaust survivor or the descendant of one, you can also apply for a German passport without living in the country. Ditto if you have German ancestry.

        The other way to get an EU passport (unless you’re willing and able to pay 800000 EUR to buy a Maltese citizenship) is via ancestry. That’s why a lot of British people are applying for Irish passports, because they have an Irish great-grandparent somewhere in the family tree.

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      4. I’d consider applying anyway, if only because having a EU passport will make travelling to or in the EU (or working there or permanently moving there, should you ever want to) much easier, whereas both a British and an Australian passport are non-EU passports now and might be subject to visa restrictions, etc… in the future.

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      5. True – but an EU country would most likely be a short trip & generally AU passport has easy visas to get. Loss of working rights is technically a bigger loss once/if UK leaves but I’m past that phase of my life of long working stays.

        Mind you, my dad always said that you get the best welcomes & service with an Irish passport

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      6. There may be tax implications to having an additional citizenship. Does Germany require non-resident citizens to file tax returns or pay taxes?

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      7. You file either in Germany or your country of residence, but not both (unless there is no tax treaty, but usually there is). There are some provisions for people who work in Germany, but live right across the border in lower tax countries like Luxembourg, because this was a popular tax dodge for the wealthy once upon a time. But it’s not like the US where every citizen, even a non-resident, still has to file and pay US taxes.

        Actually, this causes a lot of problems for US citizens living abroad, because many banks, etc… don’t let US citizens make investments, open anything but a basic account, etc…, because the banks don’t want to deal with the IRS. Pretty much every bank form always has a field for checking “I am a US citizen”.

        I know one person with a double US German citizenship (kid of an American father and German mother) who relinquished his US citizenship, because he couldn’t even make investments, buy stocks, etc… at the very bank where he worked.

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      8. Yeah I’m also screwed by my lack of EU ancestry and the fact that I spend more time flitting around E & SE Asia than anywhere else. But that’s ok because in reality I think Japan and Korea are the only countries where I feel I could spend 2-5 years in order to even be eligible to apply for citizenship. Eventually. Once I want to settle down somewhere and not hop countries every 3 months or so.

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  4. I for one am okay with Britain becoming a vassal state of Disney. Think of the theme parks!

    I also was against the original vote for Scottish independence because it would trash the country and kick it out of the EU. I am now totally for Scottish independence and suggest it contact Disney about a Highlander/Brave theme park.

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      1. The horrible thing is, that if Disney gets the right to Orwell, they will make an animated talking animals version of 1984 (not Animal Farm, which would be sensible in some ways), where Winston Smith has a grumpy badger (or something) as comical sidekick.

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  5. I really do think I want to be Speaker John Bercow when I grow up. He seems to have exactly the right maddening mastery of parliamentary procedure and command of the English language to drive the rest of the Tories into a crazed froth. And maybe, just maybe, the last parliamentary motion standing will be to cancel Article 50.

    However, the consensus on Charlie Stross’s blog seems to be that the logical next move will be to invade France.

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      1. Bercow is still an abrasive and divisive figure – he is dogged by accusations of partiality and of bullying his staff, and it’s even been suggested that he won’t get a peerage once his time is up (an honour for retired Speakers which usually goes through on the nod.)

        As a consequence, it’s entirely likely that he’s decided he has nothing left to lose, and is now lobbing procedural spanners into the works with gleeful abandon.

        Brexiteers will certainly claim he’s abusing his position… however, since at least some of them have argued that Parliament should be suspended by the Queen (“prorogued” is the technical term) while the UK lurches towards the outcome they want, they’re not in a strong position to claim that other people are abusing the technicalities of our constitutional system.

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    1. If it is the logical next move — which I doubt — it won’t happen.

      Some of the decisions are being made by people who claim “democracy has failed” because the majority of Parliament voted against what they, personally, wanted. Or at least what they asked for, at a particular minute, before insisting it wasn’t what they meant.

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  6. I am beginning to think that in 300 years time ‘the English PM goes to Brussels to renegotiate Brexit’ will be one of those quaint and peculiar English traditions that keep being done for the sake of doing them (and to amuse tourists), but which very few people understand why or what they were originally for.

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  7. Just read an article about how Brits living retired on the continent are facing only getting a year’s worth of health insurance benefits if there’s a hard Brexit. Fun times.

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    1. Yes, it seems to be a bit underappreciated just how many Brits live* on the continent – Spain is a particularly popular retirement spot – and how badly this will affect them. Currently many of their rights such as health care are dealt with by reciprocal arrangements under the EU, but obviously that will fall away.

      (*The stats are a bit shaky but 1.3 million seems to be a fairly safe number)

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  8. /me nods to stevejwright. For mysterious reasons, no Reply widget is present on his upthread comment.

    The logic of proroguing Parliament, as I understand it, would be that, upon reconvening, it’d technically be a new Parliament, hence Speaker Bercow’s utterly correct ruling forbidding considering again in the same Parliament a bill already voted down, without substantive change, would no longer apply.

    It’s all a fun game of Nomic until the food riots start and the Civil Contingencies Act gets invoked, nei?

    (This is why I prefer California politics. All we have to worry about are massive earthquakes, wind-driven wildfires, and occasional screwball steampunk authors.)

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    1. Oh now come on there, you have parts of California that are essentially like Idaho and want to secede from the state. Of course, the Republican party is kind of collapsing there, but you still have your share of the frothers. I did enjoy that the governor recently pulled National Guard troops from the border to go work on wildfire prevention though.

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      1. California’s of course always had frothers! My goodness yes! Don’t forget that the Golden State’s the only place a weird little ember of George Wallace’s American Independent Party is still on the state ballot (through a quirk of the voting laws).

        And there are a few of the 58 counties, mostly up in the Sierra Nevada and other very countrified corners, where you see State of Jefferson billboards, advertising the future Galt’s Gulch perennially proposed to be carved out of disaffected rural parts of Oregon and California. It’s part of the grand tradition of rabble-rousing; nobody’s actually had to put a cannon in any town square and fire a warning shot since 1862.

        All of the Toddler-in-Chief’s weird causes, though? Pretty much a dead-letter even in the way-out-of-town parts of the state. No real political traction for those worth mentioning, far as I can tell.

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      1. 3.3 million and showing no signs of slowing down.

        Clearly more people look at links in this blog’s comments than I’d realised!

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