Beard Subgenres (Crossover event!)

Combining our occasional series of pointless infographics, with our occasional series of misclassifying mundane things by sub-genres of SFF and our occasional series of pictures of beards, Felapton Towers presents: beards by subgenres!

beardgenres

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20 thoughts on “Beard Subgenres (Crossover event!)”

  1. Fantasy: 1970s nature mural wallpaper
    Sci Fi: DeLorean-as-a-bed
    Post Apocalyptic: panic room
    Space Opera: velvet curtains
    Urban Fantasy: chalk outline on floor
    Weird West: rubber saloon doors
    Steam Punk: victorian lace curtains made of steel wool
    Cyber Punk: remote control climate control that your teenager programmed to do the opposite of what you want
    Ruritarian Romance: Ricola-tiled floor
    Mutant Superhero: pizza box -as- wallpaper
    New Weird: escher-designed parquet floor
    Mirror Universe: entirely bookshelves with nothing but Federico Garcia Lorca
    Dystopian: Dennis Rodman as nuclear diplomatist. Nothing will ever surpass this void leak.

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  2. Steampunk needs to be a BIG handlebar mustache, preferably waxed into curls and points. Moustachioes. Just Google it.

    I demand a correction posthaste, sirrah!

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      1. Cora: what used to be called an “Es-ist-erreicht” Bart (“It has been achieved” beard) in German

        OMG, the Germans had a phrase for “ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED” before that was a thing! 😀

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      2. I always assumed that Wilhelm II was fond of saying “Es ist erreicht”, hence the name of the beard. But it turns out that “Es ist erreicht” was a brand of beard wax popular during the Second German Empire. And no, I have no idea why anybody thought “achievement unlocked” was a good name for beard wax.

        The Second German Empire was pretty shitty in most ways, but they did have some marvelous facial hair. I give you Alfred von Tirpitz, Grand Admiral of the German Imperial Fleet, and his marvelous beard which is actually named after him: https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfred_von_Tirpitz#/media/File:Alfred_von_Tirpitz.png

        Ironically, nowadays the beard is more remembered than the man himself.

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      3. I think Kaiser Wilhelm II mustache is the evil steampunk one, Wilhelm I mustache is neutral steampunk (tho his sideburns rivaled Tirpitz’ beard) and one which goes out farther and then curls up at the ends, maybe with wax, is the heroic steampunk one.

        For a heroic steampunk ‘stache, check out Victoria’s son in law:

        Vic’s son Arthur was as steampunky as you can get https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prince_Arthur,_Duke_of_Connaught_and_Strathearn#/media/File:Prince_Arthur,_Duke_of_Connaught.jpg

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