So I Just Completed My Dragon Award Ballot…

Brian Niemeier has a podcast on his blog rather hesitantly trying to spin his recent antics. It is the same persecution narrative as previously. His evidence that the “CHORFs” are attempting to take over the Dragon Awards amounts to two things:

  1. Somebody told him (he doesn’t say who or when or quote anybody, so…)
  2. John Scalzi got nominated and he didn’t think Collapsing Empire was very good. Plus some other things he thinks are SJW got nominated.

Now, yes, that really makes no sense. Even if Collapsing Empire wasn’t great (I haven’t read it – it may be brilliant, I don’t know), all sorts of stuff got nominated – it doesn’t require some SJW takeover for a book like that to get nominated. But never mind that – we aren’t dealing with careful reasoning here.

I think the narrative going on in Brian N’s head must be something like this:

  • Evil CHORF SJW Cabal: Ha, ha we shall now takeover the Dragon Awards! Quick let us nominate John Scalzi because truly he is the most leftwing author ever and his nomination will make the Dragon Awards ours forever!
  • Brian Niemeier: Hmm whats this on the ballot? John Scalzi? Hmmm by careful deduction that can only mean a secret CHORF SJW Cabal takeover! That is the only way it could have happened. But the voters won’t realise! Quick I must warn them!
  • Evil CHORF SJW Cabal: Curses! Now that Brian has spotted that John Scalzi was nominated our plan to take over the Dragon Awards by getting John Sclazi and nobody noticing and then everybody accidently voting for him ven though nobody likes hims, has failed! We must withdraw!

Now, you’d think even Brian would have spotted how little sense any of that makes but…well listen to the podcast. It is hard to tell sometimes with the wingnut right where deception ends and self-deception begins but seriously, I really think he believes the stuff he is saying. Remember he does genuinely think demons are the best explanation for people being leftwing, so this is maybe less disconnected from reality by comparison.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking. Thinking specifically about how preset ideas can be challenged. I’ve also been thinking about what a mess the Dragon Awards are and also about how to demonstrate that I’ve really zero interest in “taking them over” or whatever.

Then it occurred to me. What is the simplest way of expressing this idea?

I should vote for Brian Niemeier

  1. It is what the guy wants and it will make him far happier than it will make anybody else I could vote for. Utilitarianism implies I should vote for him.
  2. If I am “demonically obsessed” as Brian presumably think I am then Brian will have to conclude demons want him to win a Dragon Award. Maybe they do? If they do then I don’t want to piss-off a bunch of demons.
  3. If Brian’s free floating theory is in anyway true then he is the last person I would vote for. Therefore I should vote for him to help protect the fabric of reality.
  4. It would be kind of funny to do so. OK that is a bit like trolling but what the heck – its an inoffensive kind of trolling.
  5. I think the Dragon Awards have a problem. Now while I’m not a great fan of the whole far-left concept of maximising the contradictions in an attempt to provoke the supposedly inevitable collapse of capitalism, MAYBE this is the right kind of sandbox to at least give that tactic a go for once.

So I went and did it before I changed my mind.

I voted Brian N for Best SF and declared as I did so that this was all part of my SJW plan for the Hugo Awards. Heck MARXISM made me do it – or maybe demons, maybe marxist demons.

Hey, but maybe that’s not hardcore enough for you folks. Sure voting for Brian is just a gesture, maybe I’m going to go all SJW down the ballot and CONVERGE some other category!

No way! Maximise the contradictions!

Best Fantasy? I went and voted LARRY CORREIA. Ha! By this point the blood was rushing to my head as I grasped the red flag and vaulted to the top of the barricades around the commune!

Best YA? Hmmm, no I don’t want to maximise the contradictions THAT much and vote for John C Wright. I’m trying to converge the Dragon Awards with my demonic powers not drown them in adjectives. No, time to consider the semiotics of my acts. Now Brian N is asking people to vote for him so that they will actually be voting for L. Jagi Lamplighter, so that people can then vote for John C Wright because otherwise Jagi might beat John and cause some sort of existential crisis. Wait! An existential crisis! Problem solved: Best YA? L. Jagi Lamplighter!

OK Best MilSF. Now I quite enjoyed Star Realms: Rescue Run, and it is a book I’ve read so Hugo me would vote for that. However, despite Jon’s credentials, Star Realms: Rescue Run is a gosh-darned leftist book full of evil corporations being evil and being nasty to the workers. So I voted for a Baen book instead. No self respecting CHORF would do that especially one obsessed by demons.

After that I got tired. Maximising the contradictions felt just kind of sad. What was I doing? Then I remembered I could vote for Declan Finn. So I did that: twice. Then for Doctor Who – HA! That was my secret SJW plan all along.

Because seriously. This isn’t a serious award and Dragon Con don’t seem to want or care whether it becomes one.

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17 thoughts on “So I Just Completed My Dragon Award Ballot…

  1. If you only voted once for each work, you weren’t really doing your demonly duty. Everyone KNOWS you have to do anything three times to properly invoke the magic — and since the Dragons have no apparent safeguards against multi-voting, this is your perfect opportunity. Get back there and vote some more!

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      1. Chicken. I bet you wouldn’t stand in front of a mirror and chant “Bloody Mary” three times either. Those demons are SO disappointed in you.

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  2. Plot twist: turns out it’s all for nothing and they’re reissuing new ballots because of the withdrawals.

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  3. Ha! You fell for the reverse psychology trap Brian laid out, unless you were using reverse-reverse-psychology to get people to vote against what you voted for, but he might be using reverse-reverse-reverse psychology to make you think that’s a good idea, though you might be using reverse-reverse-reverse-reverse psychology and oh man I’ve now driven around the block backwards.

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      1. Nah, after I found my ballot in the spam pile today (Laura, check yours), I went ahead and voted for things I’d read and liked. Not the games b/c I don’t play them.

        Being a mere female, I didn’t have the brains to follow all that counter-counter-reverse psychology. So I went with “Oh, I read/watched that and it was better than the other stuff in this category.”

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      2. Yeah, that’s mostly how I’ll probably vote too. It’s tough to go against my Hugo-voter training of choosing what I’ve read and enjoyed. Although I do really like the idea of voting for Lamplighter over her husband. She should have her own pretty Dragon trophy, not Brian’s hand-me-down! Having read Wright’s earlier Hugo nominated works (not this year’s), I’m somewhat confident I’d like her book better anyway. And a woman should win the female dominated YA category! ;P (Oops, my demon addled SJW thinking is showing there.)

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