Star Wars Without the Empire

This Tweet from Paul Weimer really intrigued me:

In post-war Germany, a version of Casablanca was produced, re-edited and with a new script for the dubbing, that had no Nazis in it. As you can imagine, given the role Nazis play in the plot, they had to do a lot of work.

I was wondering if you could do the same to Star Wars Episode 4 – remove the Empire…

Star Not Wars Because They Aren’t Having a War With Anybody: A New Hope

A spaceship has broken down. Princess Leia finds a robot on the ship and gives it something. The robot (R2D2) finds an escape pod with its friend (C3PO). They leave the ship. We don’t see the ship again. It probably had engine trouble or something. Maybe the robots have gone off to get some fuel from a service station.

The robots land in a desert. After an argument, they split up. Later they each get caught by tiny people.

Meanwhile, young Luke Skywalker is unhappy being a farmer and living with his uncle. He’d rather be…doing something else I suppose.

Luke and his uncle go off to by robots and end up buying the two robots. When Luke checks the robots later, he discovers that R2 has a secret message with Princess Leia in it. Later R2 attempts to escape. Luke doesn’t have any sort of conversation with his uncle about anything.

Luke sets off after R2 but is attacked by Sand People. He is rescued by Old Ben Kenobi, who isn’t anybody in particular. They don’t really chat about anything but Ben sees the message from the princess. She needs help – probably her spaceship has broken down.

Luke and Ben don’t do anything then, certainly they don’t check on the Jawa’s and Luke definitely doesn’t check on his Uncle and Aunt’s home. No, they just head to Mos Eisely, for a nice day out.

They head to a bar, I guess they are thirsty. Not much happens but they have a very fragmented conversation with Han Solo. For laughs, they hire him to take them on a quick space trip. He agrees.

On the ship, Ben tells Luke about the force and using a light sabre. For no reason. I guess the space trip was less fun than they expected.

They head to Alderaan but it isn’t there. I guess it was closed that day.

Everybody has a nap.

Ben has a really long nap. He must have been quite tired from the trip because we don’t see him again.

Luke, Han, Chewbacca and the robots all find themselves on another planet. Princess Leia is with them now. This is probably where her spaceship is getting fixed.

Luke decides to have a go flying a small spaceship. Han also decides to fly his spaceship. Princess Leia looks worried. Probably she’d like to fly her spaceship as well but I guess it is still broken.

Luke and Han and Chewy come back. R2 got broken! Leia was right to be worried! Luckily they are on a planet where stuff gets fixed.

Once R2 is fixed Leia has a huge party and everybody gets a medal.

The End

 

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8 comments

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  2. delagar

    I have a running joke with my kid that there are some shows I would watch without the plot — like, if the characters were just running a bakery or whatever. Star Wars, but it the characters worked in a bakery. I’d watch that.

    Like

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  4. peer sylvester

    The German “Lexikon des internationalen Films” (A reference book for movies, pre-Internet) described Casblanca as “a very odd movie” in the first editions after the German cut (later editions changed it).

    Liked by 1 person

  5. KR

    Hmm, let’s try “The Boys From Brazil” with all the Nazis removed.

    People in bikinis on a beach.

    A shark’s tooth necklace on a table not being worn by Joseph Mengele.

    The end.

    .

    Liked by 1 person

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