MYCOPHAGE! Part 11

Cliff “Edge” McEdifice is MYCOPHAGE the intoxicating new thriller from Timothy the Talking Cat, Straw Puppy and the ghost of Michael Crichton.

Part 11: Plot Twist Recap Redux

I sat down with a cup of hot cocoa made by Doctor Emily Niceface. There was no LSD in it but she had added a dash of peach schnapps and a marshmallow that she had partly toasted on a Bunsen burner.

“Let me explain,” said Agent R.P.Shellburg. “You were lied to. Louise J’Zeebels is not whom she seems to be and this laboratory is not run by terrorists.”

Dammit. I should have realised that vegans had no beef with mushrooms. Those guys love mushrooms but I’d been too distracted by her beauty and exploding androids to realise.

“So, the mycophage isn’t real?” I asked.

“Oh yes, it is real,” explained Doctor Emily Niceface, who really seemed to young and pretty to have a PhD, “but it only destroys a very limited range of yeast-like organisms. Specifically, it is a cure for athlete’s foot.”

“J’Zeebel is the heir to the powerful Magiggings-J’Zeebel ointment company.” expanded Agent R.P.Shellburg, “The mycophage would have eliminated their market in topical ointments for temporary relief of the symptoms of athletes foot and other yeast like infections.”

Dammit. It all made sense now! But…what was the name again?

“Did you say Magiggings?” I asked.

“Yes,” said Shellburg, “Your old friend Magiggings despite his humble appearance is actually the scion of landed gentry. His involvement in this plot was his way back into favour with his parents.”

“But the androids and what did you mean by THE FUTURE?” I asked. As soon as this had started to make sense it had also stopped making sense.

Shellburg sighed. “It is plots within plots, I’m afraid. Doctor Niceface, could you operate this slide projector for me?”

After a few minutes, Doctor Niceface and Agent Shellburg had closed the blinds and set up everything for an audio-visual presentation.

“This man,” Agent Shellburg pointed at a photo on the screen with a stick, “Is Doctor Malcom Sagacity but he was born in 1985.”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” I said, “That would mean he was only ten years old!”

“In 2025, Doctor Sagacity stole the plans for a time machine. He jumped back to 1990 and began employing his plan to destroy the future.” explained the agent. “You see, the man is a fanatic. He believes in all the crazy science panics we’ve had, global warming, global freezing, global pandemics, GMO foods, DDT. You name it and he’s hyped it. But these panics haven’t been enough to truly tip public opinion to the dark side. He needed something bigger, more tangible, more immediate that would truly panic the world and give him and his scientist friends the power they crave.”

“But what could that be?” I asked.

“A true mycophage. Their plan was to trick you into stealing Doctor Niceface’s research and re-engineering into the anti-mushroom super weapon they claimed they were trying to stop!”

“But what about the androids?” I asked, still confused.

“Androids aren’t possible even with the advances in AI they will have made by 2025,” said Doctor Niceface, “You see a computer cannot ever have a soul and so no android could ever actually be made.”

“But I saw them!” I protested.

“You only thought you saw them,” explained Agent Shellburg, “In the future we have advanced special effects called C.G.I. that can create convincing visual illusions.”

“But that ninja…” I said.

“That was the LSD I gave you.” It was yet another man, the man with the scar above his eye who had been following me. “I’m Agent Bottlewonk from the present-day CIA, helping out my colleague from the future.”

“Well, I guess that’s all their plans foiled.” I said.

Just then there was a huge explosion outside. I’d forgotten about the attack by  Mickey “The Knife” Houlihan’s men. Just after then, there was a beeping from my backpack. Fearing a bomb I hurriedly searched the bag and found Louise’s IBM Simon Personal Communicator. On the screen it said in flashing letters “UPLOAD COMPLETE”.

“Oh no,” cried Doctor Niceface, “All my research has been copied digitally from my computer system!”

“It was all a trap all along!” I realised just as shooting erupted in the corridor.

“Quick,” said Agent Shellburg, “Get Doctor Niceface to safety. She is the only one who can stop J’Zeebel from creating the true MYCOPHAGE!”