Tough, strong and you know how to face up to the heat. You are on the inside track. True, there are bigger deals in this game than you but you’ve played with the biggest and you are still going. Some unpleasant people might call you ‘half-baked’ but you have two sides to your nature and some sharp divisions. It takes a rocky character like yourself to stand up straight in the face of the solar winds and just keep on going. Indomitable. You like sunny days and your favourite meal is Thai takeaway.
Once you were alone but then you found your good friend the moon. The attraction between you is obvious even though the moon can seem cold and distant. You are also covered in water. I don’t know why. Do you not have a towel? Sometimes you worry about all the things living on you and yes, that does sound kind of gross but remember you are a home to lots of things. Like fish for example. You have fish living all over you. I don’t know why but look, it’s fine, people like aquariums and you are the solar system’s best aquarium and best home.
Not many people can crush hydrogen into helium but you can. Everybody feasts on all that positive energy that you radiate. That can be a bit tiring for you but you have the internal resource to keep going. You are at the centre of things but sometimes it can feel like people are avoiding you. The truth is you can be a LOT and others need to be alone in the dark occasionally. I’d say that you are cool but manifestly that is not true but you like to keep things light.
Uranus is big, blue and full of methane! Yes YOU are the king of dad jokes. You, in a very non-gender specific sense, are the essence of dadness: supportive, keen on family friendly pun-centric humour and also you roll around your orbit on your side. True, you are named after a god who was a terrible father but the real you actually exudes a positive parental vibe that you’ve always had whether you have kids or not. People lean on you and laugh at your intentionally weak jokes because they know they come from love.
Sporty and keen on accessories, you know how to make a strong visual impression. People notice you, which can make you feel self-conscious. People think you and Jupiter are rivals but in truth you value the support you get from Jupiter and admire their unique style. You also have more moons than you not what to do with but somehow you manage. There is just a lot of stuff circling around you all the time and that can be confusing.
You are colourful and look great in stripes. Some may find you a tad vain but of course you want to keep an eye on that giant red spot. You have more moons than you know what to do with because you are just so attractive. You are a massive part of this whole system and space craft love to check in on you. You know where the hydrogen is at.