Solar System – complete

Here are all the planets (and other things) from the past few days in one place.


1. Pick a whole number from 1 to 11

2. Find the picture below with that number

3. Discover secret aspects of your personality!

4. Change the number you picked because that last one didn’t suit you.

5. You might be a planet, or a planetoid or a stellar object!

6. Complain about the factual errors!

It is ASTRONOMICAL fun! [after the fold]

5. The Sun

Not many people can crush hydrogen into helium but you can. Everybody feasts on all that positive energy that you radiate. That can be a bit tiring for you but you have the internal resource to keep going. You are at the centre of things but sometimes it can feel like people are avoiding you. The truth is you can be a LOT and others need to be alone in the dark occasionally. I’d say that you are cool but manifestly that is not true but you like to keep things light.

6. Mercury

Tough, strong and you know how to face up to the heat. You are on the inside track. True, there are bigger deals in this game than you but you’ve played with the biggest and you are still going. Some unpleasant people might call you ‘half-baked’ but you have two sides to your nature and some sharp divisions. It takes a rocky character like yourself to stand up straight in the face of the solar winds and just keep on going. Indomitable. You like sunny days and your favourite meal is Thai takeaway.

11. Venus

You are HOT STUFF! You are famous for your acid wit and steamy attitude. Sure, you can be a bit glum sometimes because you think you have an inhospitable atmosphere but that’s because of all the pressure you are under. Heck, for a basic rocky planet you are under a LOT of pressure…but you know what? If anybody can handle a run away greenhouse effect it’s you. People look up to you and think you are such a bright star — that sometimes makes you feel like you are a phoney but the truth is everybody is happy to see your light whether it is in the evening or the morning. Whenever day turns to night or night to day, you are there showing the way.

7. Earth & Moon

Once you were alone but then you found your good friend the moon. The attraction between you is obvious even though the moon can seem cold and distant. You are also covered in water. I don’t know why. Do you not have a towel? Sometimes you worry about all the things living on you and yes, that does sound kind of gross but remember you are a home to lots of things. Like fish for example. You have fish living all over you. I don’t know why but look, it’s fine, people like aquariums and you are the solar system’s best aquarium and best home.

10. Mars

You’re so chill you probably think this fridge is about you. Nothing phases you, you’ve got everything in balance. You suit autumn colours and conspiracy theories. Robots find you attractive and keep landing on you. You can be a bit inscrutable and people like to imagine that there all sorts of exciting things going on with you from canals to tripods…but in truth you are just chilling out.

9. Ceres & The Asteroid Belt

You are a collision course personified. In movies spacecraft whizz and swoop around you. You use your natural gravity to manage a whole gang of oddly shaped friends, some of which are dripping in gold and some of which are just really, really odd rocks. One of your old acquaintances MAY have killed the dinosaurs but people know you did what you could to stop that happening. Your favourite TV show is The Expanse and your favourite retro video game is Pac Man.

1. Jupiter

You are colourful and look great in stripes. Some may find you a tad vain but of course you want to keep an eye on that giant red spot. You have more moons than you know what to do with because you are just so attractive. You are a massive part of this whole system and space craft love to check in on you. You know where the hydrogen is at.

8. Saturn

Sporty and keen on accessories, you know how to make a strong visual impression. People notice you, which can make you feel self-conscious. People think you and Jupiter are rivals but in truth you value the support you get from Jupiter and admire their unique style. You also have more moons than you not what to do with but somehow you manage. There is just a lot of stuff circling around you all the time and that can be confusing.

4. Uranus

Uranus is big, blue and full of methane! Yes YOU are the king of dad jokes. You, in a very non-gender specific sense, are the essence of dadness: supportive, keen on family friendly pun-centric humour and also you roll around your orbit on your side. True, you are named after a god who was a terrible father but the real you actually exudes a positive parental vibe that you’ve always had whether you have kids or not. People lean on you and laugh at your intentionally weak jokes because they know they come from love.

2. Neptune

Neptune we love you,
Neptune we do,
Though you live so far away,
We still think of you

It’s OK to be out there with one eye on the edge and one foot in the Gas Giant Gang. You sometimes cross Pluto’s orbit and that’s cool. People sometimes mistake you for Uranus and that’s cool to. We know you are there, we can feel your pull and we can see you by how you help others make their own way around the sun. For a long time people didn’t even acknowledge your presence but you are a really great discovery.

3. Pluto & Eris

You guys are way out there. You have a vast circle of friends — I mean really vast. Yet you don’t see each other very often but that’s fine. You know all your Kuiper Belt Best Buddies are with you in spirit as you hang out on the dark edges of everything. From where you stand you can see every object and everybody, they are just very far away from you and that’s all OK. Nobody does friendship better than you because you know how to be a good friend at a great distance. Also, comets.


5 responses to “Solar System – complete”

  1. This was a delightful series, thank you so much. I loved Neptune.

    Also, thanks to you I have had Solar System by the Beach Boys stuck in my head for a week.

    Liked by 1 person

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