Is Timothy the Leader the Tories Need?

With Theresa May gone and a crowd of incompetents and malefactors running for Conservative Party leadership it behoves me to put the obvious name forward: Timothy the Talking Cat.

Let’s run through the pros-&-cons:

Things that qualify him for high office in the Conservative Party:

  • Educated at a reactionary Public (i.e. private) School.
  • Tortures small animals for sport.
  • Envious of the things American conservatives get away with.
  • I struggle to follow what he is going on about.
  • Owns at least one tailor made suit.
  • Mean to public servants.
  • Actually, mean to any kind of servants, domestic staff, anybody in the hospitality industry. I can’t take him anywhere.
  • A constant source of embarrassment to those associated with him.
  • Francophobic, as in ‘scared of France’ not as in ‘scared of General Franco’. Also scared of cucumbers.
  • Has the potential to unite the warring factions of the Conservative Party.
  • Could defeat Nigel Farage in a baked bean eating contest. Which has not yet been ruled out as a means of settling Britain’s internal power struggles.
  • Milkshake proof.

Things that disqualify him:

  • Not actually a Tory MP. However, if the Queen made him a Lord, he potentially could be Prime Minister.
  • Not actually going to be made a lord by the Queen. The Queen prefers dogs to cats.

The ‘pros’ easily out weigh the ‘cons’, IMHO.

4 thoughts on “Is Timothy the Leader the Tories Need?

  1. What about Larry the Cat? Already has a position at No. 10. Couldn’t he take over?

    Hope this doesn’t turn into a power struggle between Larry and Palmerston.

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