With Theresa May gone and a crowd of incompetents and malefactors running for Conservative Party leadership it behoves me to put the obvious name forward: Timothy the Talking Cat.
Let’s run through the pros-&-cons:
Things that qualify him for high office in the Conservative Party:
- Educated at a reactionary Public (i.e. private) School.
- Tortures small animals for sport.
- Envious of the things American conservatives get away with.
- I struggle to follow what he is going on about.
- Owns at least one tailor made suit.
- Mean to public servants.
- Actually, mean to any kind of servants, domestic staff, anybody in the hospitality industry. I can’t take him anywhere.
- A constant source of embarrassment to those associated with him.
- Francophobic, as in ‘scared of France’ not as in ‘scared of General Franco’. Also scared of cucumbers.
- Has the potential to unite the warring factions of the Conservative Party.
- Could defeat Nigel Farage in a baked bean eating contest. Which has not yet been ruled out as a means of settling Britain’s internal power struggles.
- Milkshake proof.
Things that disqualify him:
- Not actually a Tory MP. However, if the Queen made him a Lord, he potentially could be Prime Minister.
- Not actually going to be made a lord by the Queen. The Queen prefers dogs to cats.
The ‘pros’ easily out weigh the ‘cons’, IMHO.