I’m going to come right out and say it: this is a slate. Vote for each of these in this order or else.
Best Neville
My for vote for Hugo for Best Neville goes to Neville Weasley in Harry Potter and the Very Angry Man from Dundee.
Best Novellan
My vote goes to all the good people from the planet Novella. I can’t pick between you.
Best Smurfette
There is only one Smurfette
Best Toy Story
Toy Story 2.
Best Dramatic Railway Station
St Pancras obviously
Best Traumatic Short Form
When I crouch down really low, ready to pounce on something.
Best Flan Artist
Pass. I don’t eat flans.
Best Prone Artist
I think probably Van Eyck lying down for a short nap.
Best Semiprozine
I have no idea what this is mean.
Best Editor Long Trouser
Mr Clopps & Son – Tailors, of Bortsworth High Street, Bortsworth. Excellent tailoring and also snacks.
Best Editor Short Forms
Myself. I edited the post-office forms for a new passport by crossing out all the words I though might be foreign. This made for a much shorter form and got me kicked out of the post office.
The Annual Campbell Soup Tin Award
Goes to Chicken and Mushroom condensed soup. I eat it straight from the can with a spoon.
