Beyond the Bounds of Genius: The Timothy the Talking Cat Story
“A heartwarming look into the soul of one the world’s greatest cat of letters.” New Yrok Tines
“Fascinating tips for success from a certified leader in modern business.” Satsuma Spider God
Chapter 1: Kittenhood
I was born into a noble dynasty of cats several years ago. The exact data does not concern you but I think it was 1935 or possibly 1972. My passport says “2015” but I am pretty sure that passport is a forgery as it is written in crayon.
I was abandoned by mother when I was a small kitten. I say “small”, obviously that is a relative term. I mean small for a cat rather than small for a kitten. I was much smaller than a Bengal Tiger. Also when I say “kitten” I was 37 in cat years. Also when I say “abandoned” I mean “thrown out of the house after accidentally setting fire to the bathroom” and when I say “thrown out of the house” I mean arrested by the local police.
This was a dark time for England. Specifically it was around 10 pm in November. I needed more light so I filled the bath full of kerosene and set light to it. And for the simple crime of wanting enough light to read by I was thrown upon the mercy of England’s archaic criminal justice system.
Naturally I was acquitted of all charges and I walked free an innocent man or rather I was thrown out of the police station in a hessian bag as an innocent cat. “We don’t prosecute cats!” shouted the irate sergeant at the two arresting constables. “But he’s an arsonist!” said the shorter of the two bobbies. His protestations were to no avail and anyway by that point I had extricated myself from the bag. “The cat’s out of the bag now!” said the taller of the two constables and that’s where that saying comes from.
It was an exciting time to be young and free in England at that time but dark clouds were gathering on the horizon. The winds of war were blowing and political instability rocked the land. Then they passed by and everything was sunny again. Then they blew back again and so on and so forth. To be honest I wasn’t really paying attention.
What I did realise was that it was time that I got myself an education.