Welcome to the Thunderdome of Ideas!

Listen all! This is the truth of it. Fighting leads to killing, and killing gets to warring. And that was damn near the death of us all. Look at us now! Busted up, and everyone talking about the end! But we’ve learned, by the dust of them all… the internet learned. Now, when ideas get to fighting, it happens here! And it finishes here! Two ideas enter; one idea leaves!

And we have a great fight tonight! Over in the left corner we have your old favourite, you know it, you love it, you depend on it to keep your granny alive, it’s the one, the only, UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE! [crowd roars]. And tonight’s desperate contender on the right, in the never-ending war of ideas is TURDS ON TOAST!

[Mayhem ensues but after a long and sticky battle Universal Health Care defeats the concept of serving turds on toast.]

And wasn’t that an epic battle boys and girls! Good news everybody, turds on toast has been forever defeated in the Thunderdome of Ideas! Farewell, bon-voyage, adieu! By the laws of the Thunderdome, it may never compete again!

[Crowd goes wild with relief.]

Time for the next bout! Once again, in the left corner we have your old favourite, you know it, you love it, you depend on it to keep your children from an untimely death, it’s the one, the only, UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE! [crowd roars again] And out next contender from the right is SHIT ON SLIGHTLY BURNT BREAD! Let battle commence!

[Mayhem ensues but after a second slightly longer and stickier battle Universal Health Care defeats the concept of serving shit on slightly burnt bread.]

Well boys and girls, mounseers and madames, was that not an epic battle to warm the cockles of your heart! Once again, Universal Health Care emerges victorious in the battle of ideas. Bloodied but unbowed! By the laws of the Thunderdome serving shit on slightly burnt bread may never compete again!

[Crowd goes wild with relief.]

Time for the next bout! Third times the charm, in the left corner we have your reigning champeen, you know it, you love it, you depend on it to keep your partner from cancer, it’s the one, the only, UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE! [crowd roars again] And out next contender from the right is POO IN A PANINI! Let battle commence!

[Mayhem ensues but after an even longer and stickier battle Universal Health Care defeats the concept of serving poo in a panini. A visibly exhausted Universal Health Care treads wearily out of the dome.]

Now was that not an epic conflict! Is it just me or are the challengers getting stronger? Yet once more, Universal Health Care emerges victorious in the battle of ideas. Tired, scarred but what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger! By the laws of the Thunderdome let us never again contemplate putting poo in a panini! That whole idea is GONE, it is DONE, it is NO MORE!

[Crowd cheers but with less gusto than before.]

Final bout for the evening! This fight decides everything! Can anyone defeat our mightiest hero! You know it, you love it, you depend on it to keep your chronic illness manageable, it’s the one, the only, UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE! [crowd cheers aprehensively] And out next contender from the right is JUST PLAIN FAECES! Let battle commence!

[Mayhem once again ensuesbut Universal Health Care is exhausted from fighting and Just Plain Faeces lands a fatal blow to its funding. Universal Health Care goes down and is dragged out of the dome. The crowd groans in disappointment.]

And aren’t we all sad to see Universal Health Care beaten like that? Commiserations boys and girls but the Thunderdome of Ideas doesn’t lie! Our champion for tonight is JUST PLAIN FAECES! Without wholesome bread to hold it back the shit really managed to hit the fan! It’s tough but fair! It’s just human waste served up as food! It is literally shit! Tonight’s winner JUST PLAIN FAECES!

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4 thoughts on “Welcome to the Thunderdome of Ideas!

  1. The promoters seem to have glossed over the part where the rules were slowly, inexorably changed to make Universal Health Care seem even weaker every time.

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