[Scene: a quiet evening just outside the southeast conservatory of Felapton Towers currently relocated to the former home of Doctor Morbius on Altair IV]
Timothy the Talking Cat: I’m going to sue France.
Camestros: Perhaps it is the pleasant evening weather echoing a summer that has since passed or perhaps it is this third tumbler of gin and tonic but I will release myself of my vow and humour your random context-free outburst with a response. Why are you going to sue the French government? They have deep pockets and scary French lawyers at their disposal.
Timothy: The French Government? I’m not going to sue the French Government! Why would I sue the French Government?
Camestros: But…OK, do you mean that you are going to sue the French people in general?
Timothy: I think you’ve had too much gin.
Camestros: I suspect I haven’t had enough.
Timothy: I’m going to sue FRANCE. France as the thing that is itself France. Not ‘the French’ not the French Government. Not any kind of the adjectival case of France but France strictly as a noun.
Camestros: Ah, you’ve been at the Krell machine again and given yourself a brain boost, haven’t you?
Timothy: I may have partaken a smidgen. How can you tell?
Camestros: Never mind, please continue so I can at least get some hint of what kind of monster from your id will be attacking our defences later.
Timothy: Well I was reading Plato…
Camestros: Hold on I just need to pour more gin.
Timothy: Do you not want tonic in that?
Camestros: I suspect not…
Timothy: Anyway, as you are aware this reality is but a mere shadow of a more perfect reality.
Camestros: I’m aware of the concept…
Timothy: And what we consider abstract concepts, such as a circle, are the true reality – one that we perceive but dimly as if we were enslaved being watching shadows upon a cave wall.
Camestros: Carry on Polonius, why are you suing France?
Timothy: I think you mean Plotinus, the third-century AD Neoplatonist. Polonius is the character from Hamlet.
Camestros: Oh dear…your id monster is going to be bigger than usual. But while we wait for the invisible beclawed two-footed manifestation of your squirrel-phobia, you still haven’t said why you are going to sue France.
Timothy: Well the key issue is not the government of France, or its geography, or its people but rather the paradigmatic ultimate ideal of France.
Camestros: Yes, but WHY do you want to sue France at all!
Timothy: I…oh…I mean, I wanted to sue France before I went into the machine. I was trying to find a clever way of doing it.
Mr Atomic: WARNING! WARNING! Perimeter alert!!
Camestros: OMG! That monster looks just like Steve Bannon!
[Exit pursued by Timothy’s id monster]