[FIRST WITCH] When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?
[SECOND WITCH] When the hurly-burly’s done, When the podcast’s lost and won.
[THIRD WITCH] That will be ere the set of sun.
[FIRST WITCH] Where the place?
[SECOND WITCH] Upon this blog.
[THIRD WITCH] There to meet with Camestros.
[FIRST WITCH] I come, Graymalkin.
[ALL] Fair is foul, and foul is fair, Hover through the fog and filthy air.
[Camestros] OK people! Today we FINISH this. Susan – ready?
[Camestros] Timothy – ready?
[Timothy] Locked and loaded.
[Camestros] OK viewers,
[Straw Puppy] Woof
[Mr Atomic] …cleaning…
[Camestros] welcome to the final episode of this season of the Book Club Roundtable Review Club Non-Audio Podcast Club!
[Timothy] Didn’t we finish already?
[Camestros] Not even close we’ve got Chapter 17 to 37 and an epilogue of Realm Stars! Running Rescued. Never mind summing up the actual book.
[Susan] Well I’m ready to do this. I have to get back to Fungus Town and protect the skies from evil.
[Timothy] I have stuff to do also that is just as cool sounding as what Susan said.
[Susan] Like what?
[Timothy] Stuff. Cool stuff.
[Camestros] Tim, kick us off with Chapter 17.
[Timothy] Joan hacks a computer, meets some guards and GOD disappears.
[Camestros] “With Yui’s prodding, Joan found herself increasingly uncomfortable and had to get herself some space.”
[Susan] Maybe that thing on her tummy is to stop You prodding her.
[Camestros] I enjoyed GOD as a character and was concerned that they disappeared.
[Timothy] It’s a risky mission – bound to be casualties. The AI was expendable.
[Mr Atomic] As a robot I resent that remark.
[Timothy] You aren’t even on this podcast. Can you not clean this room later?
[Mr Atomic] I have a schedule I like to stick to.
[Camestros] And how risky was this mission exactly?
[Susan] According to GOD: “You are working against a corporation with far more substantial resources than any target you have approached in the past, at their headquarters and with a very small team. Odds of success are three point two nine five percent.“
[Camestros] That’s very precise. 0.03295 which is 3295/100000, which 659 chances of success out of 20000 possible outcomes.
[Susan] That’s a lot of outcomes but later I note:“There is a thirty-one point two five percent chance that I will retrieve information pertinent to your mission.”
[Camestros] Hmm, the level of precision drops by one decimal place.
[Susan] Ah, but the same number of significant figures.
[Timothy] Is this relevant?
[Susan] There is a nought point zero nought zero null two chance of this being in anyway relevant and not just some numbers used for effect.
[Timothy] Then can we move on because you two chatting about decimal places is exactly why *I* have a fan club of millions and you don’t.
[Susan] OK Chapter 18 Everybody goes to a party – alternating sections Joan v Dario. Dario finds out about General Zhang at the party. Joan overhears.
[Timothy] “What did was the woman he saw standing there, gazing out over the balcony. With dinner about to be served, he’d expected to have some time alone here. She turned to look at him, big brown eyes piercing through him, making him shiver.” – Hubba hubba
[Camestros] Seriously? Is that what you’ve got? ‘Hubba hubby’? Who says that anymore?
[Timothy] I do, I’m a traditionalist when it comes to human relationships. Oh, I’ve got another one:
“She was about as beautiful as he could imagine a person. Her party ensemble only amplified her natural gifts, and she didn’t contain many bodymods—at least cosmetic ones that he could tell—at all. For some reason, Dario found that appealing.”
ooooh “her natural gifts”
[Camestros] Which are what exactly?
[Susan] Petty larceny and hacking.
[Camestros] Wow, that is some party ensemble then.
[Susan] I’m imagining it has many pockets.
[Camestros] She probably has filled them with stolen silverware.
[Susan] She will bankrupt the evil corporation but stealing all their desert spoons.
[Timothy] ssshhhhh – this is the romantic bit.
[Camestros] Don’t do it Dario, Jake Dylan is your one true love!
[Timothy] This is not a love triangle.
[Camestros] Well before things get too steamy lets head to Chapter 20. Dario gets dating advice from Antonio and then he gets taken over by GOD. Jake Dylan gets arrested. I guess that’s Joan’s rival out of the way. Comments?
[Susan] “Dario sat in his favorite place, staring out of his apartment window, He does that a lot.
[Camestros] He’s brooding.
[Susan] He’s laying an egg?
[Camestros] I don’t think so.
[Susan] But do you know so?
[Camestros] I feel like the author would have let us know if humans now laid eggs. I mean it is a sort of manly pose him staring out of the window, looking deep.
[Timothy] Oh! Like maybe if he is a VAMPIRE!
[Susan] Is he a vampire?
[Camestros] Again, I feel the author would have mentioned it if Dario was a vampire.
[Timothy] Dario Anazao sounds like a vampire name. And he never goes outside outside.
[Camestros] He never goes outside because he is on Mars. Also “Dario Anazao” sounds more like “Mario Lanza” to me than a vampire.
[Timothy] Mario Lanza WAS a vampire.
[Susan] I don’t know who Mario Lanza is.
[Timothy] He was a famous vampire.
[Camestros] No! Seriously, you know better than to credit anything that cat says.
[Timothy] May I address the court? I here by submit exhibit A into evidence. If it would please the jury to look at this picture and ADMIT that this guy is freakingly obviously a vampire:
[Camestros] Look not everybody from Southern Europe is a vampire Timothy. We’ve been through this a hundred times.
[Timothy] Oh, so what, I’m a racist now just because I want to keep us all safe from vampires.
[Camestros] Well yes, many of your beliefs, attitudes and behaviours particularly in connection towards people from France, Belgium, Holland, Germany, Italy, Spain, Andorra (particularly Andorra if you remember), Finland, Iceland, Luxembourg, Slovenia, and Bulgaria (but oddly not Romania) can be aptly described as “racist”.
[Susan] I think the cat-thing walked off while you were talking.
[Timothy] Hey guys, I just got a bowl of kibble from the kitchen. Do you want some?
[Camestros] I was talking to you!
[Timothy] Really? Well now I’ve got kibble and you got to say whatever you wanted to say without interruption. That’s a win-win.
[Susan] …moving on…
[Mr Atomic] Great, now there are kibble crumbs everywhere.
[Timothy] Crumbs validate your existence.
[Mr Atomic] Just because I’m a cleaning robot that doesn’t mean that is all I am. I have hopes and dreams and a rich inner life.
[Susan] Is the richer inner life “kill all humans”.
[Mr Atomic] No, no, not at all! It is “kill all fur shedding mammals”. I’ll concede that may include humans as well.
[Susan] But not dinosaurs?
[Mr Atomic] Only the ones that shed feathers.
[Susan] Then we are cool.
[Mr Atomic] Chapter 21 the gang gets their assets frozen and Yui gets caught by the cops. Joan arranges to meet Dario at his flat.
[Timothy] She is heading to the vampire’s lair.
[Camestros] Ignore the cat everybody.
[Susan] Chapter 22 Joan meets Dario and reveals all
[Camestros] (Not in that way)
[Susan] She finds GOD…
[Susan] …and dashes off to rescue Trian
[Timothy] Who was he again?
[Camestros] The other member of her team. He’s the guy with the local contacts.
[Timothy] Not the grumpy prodding lady?
[Camestros] Correct. Also we have some actual running: “Joan hurried down the hallways of the corporate residences. Her stomach knotted, partially from the hunger that had been swelling in her for hours, but also because she may have just made the biggest mistake of her life—one that might cost her life.”
[Susan] She’s having tummy problems again.
[Timothy] I feel Joan’s tummy is a key character in this book. Meanwhile Chapter 24 Dario gets a creepy new assistant. The Underlevelers will be deported to the Hydrades cluster. Jake Dylan has been executed.
“Without further word, Dario stormed out of the conference room. He couldn’t work now, with thoughts whirring in his head. His one friend, broken down into mere molecules. He picked up his pace once in the main office.”
He burst into a run.
[Camestros] Goodnight sweet prince! OK Chapters 25 to 27 is mainly running about and Dario angry about Jake Dylan getting zapped and he decides to help Joan.
[Susan] Chapter 28 Joan finds Trian and explains the evil plot – company will ship poor people out to Empire space looking like navy ships and then Empire will blow them up thinking it is an attack – also killing the imprisoned general. Trian and Joan get caught but just when they are heading to the cells, Dario appears.
[Timothy] Chapter 29 Dario rescues them – they head for the cargo hauler with the poor people. Chapter 30 they get to the docks.
[Susan] Have they forgotten about Ms Amarosa?
[Camestros] Maybe they don’t want all that prodding to start again
[Timothy] Dario and Joan have a smooch
[Susan] Chapter 31Joan leaves on the transport – Dario stays behind. Dario speaks to his father and then decides to get on the other transport.
[Timothy] which a stupid move. Dario is a stupid head.
[Camestros] It was noble.
[Susan] In the circumstances it was suicide. Aren’t those ships going to get blown up?
[Timothy] I thought it was just the one ship. I’m confused. Next chapter may sort this out.
[Susan] Chapter 32 Joan’s on the transport shuttle.
[Timothy] Ohhh I get it. These are the shuttles to the big space ship.
[Camestros] That confused me as well. I guess that makes more sense.
[Susan] It was still suicide based on what he knows.
[Camestros] Yui is also on the shuttle – easier than keeping her in jail and having her prod the other prisoners. They find General Zhang and free her
[Susan] But they still have to take over the ship.
[Susan] Well to rescue everybody and themselves they have to take control of the ship. But if they did take control of the ship then rescuing Zhang would be trivial. They really didn’t have their priorities right.
[Camestros] Maybe Zhang can help? Onto Chapter 33 with Dario on the megahualer. He meets a security called “Engels”.
[Susan] Off screen Joan is captured and Dario has his security revoked. A shuttle is on its way to take him back to Mars.
[Timothy] Chapter 34 Joan and Dario and the gang are in jail on a ship which is itself a jail and it is also in space!
[Susan] That is a lot of jail!
[Timothy] It is OK because GOD helps them escape.
[Camestros] 35 They fight some guards
[Susan] 36 They fight even more guards
[Timothy] 37 The Star Empire’s ship come to blow them up!
[Susan]… but just in time, they send a message!
[Timothy] Thank you Justin Time, you save the day again.
[Camestros] Phew! Everybody is saved and true love conquers all.
[Camestros] Thoughts, comments?
[Timothy] The amount of running increased substantially.
[Susan] Disappointed that Charlene the Space Marine didn’t reappear.
[Timothy] She was one of the guards.
[Susan] In which chapter?
[Timothy] In every chapter that had guards.
[Camestros] You are saying each set of guards Joan encounters, includes Charlene the Space Marine, who is a character we made up in an earlier podcast?
[Timothy] Correct. Being a low-level guard doesn’t pay well and she has to do shifts all over the place just to get by.
[Susan] I find that plausible. It strikes me that Regency Biotech would have flexible employment policies and probably outsourced security guard duties.
[Camestros] To the same firm that supplies Space Marines to the Star Empire?
[Susan] A business like that would need more than one customer.
[Camestros] Well I feel we were promised a romp with a touch of romance and that is what we were given. Time for ratings.
[Susan] Three stars overall, six stars for Joan’s intestines.
[Timothy] Excellent vampire sub-plot nine stars out of six. However, the stomach eating t-rex failed to appear so ZERO stars for that.
[Mr Atomic] I didn’t read the book. Two stars I guess.
[Straw Puppy] Leftist garbage. Minus 4 stars. Seriously “Engels”?