(Not Much) Sympathy for the Toxic Fan

I was inspired by the latest File770 Pixel Scroll title (“Scrollpathy for the Pixel” By The Scrolling Stones ) to write some accompanying lyrics. Around the same time I read this piece on Seanan McGuire’s Tumbler http://seananmcguire.tumblr.com/post/163794378035/take-your-gatekeeping-and-shove-it

I’m imagining Mick Jagger in genre t-shirt singing after just quizzing you for ten minutes to see if you are actually a genuine fan of some SF franchise/comic book/video game etc

Please allow me to insert myself
I’m a fan of wealth and taste
Been around for a long, long time
Had plenty of your time to waste

I was ‘round in the fanzine years
Wrote screeds of doubt and pain
Made damn sure the lettercol
Was my forum to complain

Pleased to meet you
Hope you’ve scrolled my name
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game

I stuck around each con panel
When I thought there might be a change
Ruined every Q&A
Being hostile and inane

I trolled and drank
And I leered and stank
Made conventions rage
While attendance shrank

Pleased to meet you
Hope you’ve searched my name
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game
(woo woo, woo woo)

I was ill met
On the internet
When the modems
First made their calls

I shouted out,
“Who killed free speech?”
When after all…
…It was mainly me.

Pleased to meet you
Hope you’ve scrolled my name
But what’s confusing you
Is the nature of my game
(woo woo, woo woo)

Just as every con is criminal
And all the sinner’s saints
As left is right
Just call me Toxic Fandom
Cause I’m in need of some restraint

(woo woo, woo woo…to fade)

(h/t to Lurkertype for some improvements)

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5 comments

  1. KR

    YOU CAN’T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT (Seriously, only toddlers believe that)

    I saw them today at the university
    A tiki torch in their hands
    I knew they were gonna provoke a confrontation
    At their feet was a devilman

    You can’t always get what you want
    You can’t always get what you want
    You can’t always get what you want
    But if you overreach, sometimes, well, you might find
    You get what we need

    I went down to the demonstration
    To absorb my fair share of abuse
    Singing, “We’re gonna show our rejection
    Of racism using free speech as a ruse”

    You can’t always get what you want
    You can’t always get what you want
    You can’t always get what you want
    But if you whine sometimes well you just might find
    You get what we need

    I joined up with Chelsea Manning’s crowd
    To spread rainbows and hearts and be rad
    I was standing in line with Mr. Pepe
    And man, did he look pretty mad
    We decided that we would have a showdown
    My favorite kind, anti-Nazi
    I sung my song to Mr. Pepe
    Yeah, and he said one word to me, and that was “Benghazi”

    I said to him
    You can’t always get what you want
    You can’t always get what you want
    You can’t always get what you want
    But if you march sometimes well you just might find
    You’ll get what we need
    You’ll get what we need, yeah

    I saw Tromp today at the reception
    On his plate was a chocolate cake
    He was practiced at the art of deception
    I could tell by his tiny orange-stained hands
    You can’t always get what you want
    You can’t always get what you want
    You can’t always get what you want
    But if you rage-tweet sometimes well you just might find
    You just might find
    Sane people pay you no heed

    You can’t always get what you want
    You can’t always get what you want
    You can’t always get what you want
    But if you sieg heil, sometimes you just might find
    You just might find
    You get punched.

    Liked by 2 people

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