Pod the Third of The Book Club Roundtable Discussion Club Non-Audio Podcast Club

Der Untergang der Titanic

Live Podcast Coverage

camavatar[Camestros] Welcome back, loyal viewers!

timavatar[Timothy] (listeners)

strawpupavatar[Straw Puppy] (woof)

camavatar[Camestros] This is the exciting third episode of the Book Club Roundtable Review Club Non-Audio Podcast Club. A bit of a change in the roster this week. Susan can’t make it and Timothy’s long term collaborator and all-round trickster Straw Puppy is here to take her place. Welcome on board Straw Puppy.

strawpupavatar[Straw Puppy] woof

timavatar[Timothy] Ha, ha, great joke there Pups.

camavatar[Camestros] Sooooo, we still seem to be stuck reading Run Star: Realms Rescue…

timavatar[Timothy] Correction, Dragon Award Nominated Star Realms: Rescue Run.

camavatar[Camestros] Noted, but given that I was hoping for this podcast to cover a book every episode, we aren’t making much headway. Last episode we only got as far as Chapter 6.

timavatar[Timothy] Well the good news is I more than doubled my reading rate between podcasts.

strawpupavatar[Straw Puppy] woof

timavatar[Timothy] lol! Yeah, as Pups points out that does include me actually reading the Dario PoV chapters and I’ve only reached Chapter 17.

camavatar[Camestros] That’s still less than halfway through the book.

strawpupavatar[Straw Puppy] whine

camavatar[Camestros] What did he say?

timavatar[Timothy] He needs to use the bathroom.

camavatar[Camestros] He hates baths.

timavatar[Timothy] I meant “bathroom” in the generic sense of him wanting to go outside and piss on your rose bushes.

camavatar[Camestros] I don’t get why people call that using the “bathroom”.

timavatar[Timothy] Well you did plant our rose bushes in a bath tub.

strawpupavatar[Straw Puppy] whine

timavatar[Timothy] I’d hurry up and let him out if I were you.

camavatar[Camestros] I sometimes think that you are me – some sort of monster from the id that arose from my over use of that Krell mind-machine we found on Ebay.

strawpupavatar[Straw Puppy] wwwwhiiiiinnnnne

camavatar[Camestros] OK! OK! I’ll get the door.

timavatar[Timothy] So while Camestros is helping with Straw Puppy’s toileting, let me recap the story so far. Joan Shengtu is a former space marine turned petty criminal. She has been entrapped by the Star Empire to help run a rescue mission to get back a Star Empire general who has been captured by the Terran Trade Federation. Meanwhile on Mars, Dario Anazo is a rising member of management at Regency Biotech. Born into a wealthy family, he is beginning to have doubts about the ethical state of the company.

strawpupavatar[Straw Puppy] woof!

camavatar[Camestros] Wow, I think that dog must be 50% bladder. There were litres and litres of wee coming out of him.

timavatar[Timothy] Gross. I feel like you are lowering the tone.

camavatar[Camestros] OK folks – let’s recap the story so far.

timavatar[Timothy] Done that already.

camavatar[Camestros] Oh, ok. Let’s move on then. We were up to Chapter 6 and back with Dario.

timavatar[Timothy] Yeah a bit dull. Lots of fuss about his decisions around the riot in the under levels.

camavatar[Camestros] No more romantic hints?

timavatar[Timothy] I didn’t think there were any to begin with…

strawpupavatar[Straw Puppy] woof

camavatar[Camestros] What did he say?

timavatar[Timothy] Nothing that time – it was just a regular bark. Anyway Dario argues with his Dad who forbids him from visiting the under levels.

camavatar[Camestros] Meanwhile Joan is being briefed on her mission and guess what?

strawpupavatar[Straw Puppy] woof?

camavatar[Camestros] General Zhang is being held by Regency Biotech on Mars!

timavatar[Timothy] dan-dan-darrrrr! Oh and then we have a getting the team together bit!

camavatar[Camestros] Trian Mubari – a defector from the Trade Federation. Wearing a tan suit.

timavatar[Timothy] Hmmm a bold fashion choice.

camavatar[Camestros] and Ms. Amitosa, one of the Star Empire’s finest special operations officers.

timavatar[Timothy] “a compact woman, black hair and dark eyes, traditionally from the Asian continent of Earth.”

camavatar[Camestros] Traditionally from every continent of Earth, I’d think, except Antarctica.

strawpupavatar[Star Puppy] woof

timavatar[Timothy] He says “what about Europe”

camavatar[Camestros] Its really just a peninsula hanging off Asia. At best a sub-continent surely.

strawpupavatar[Straw Puppy] WOOF

timavatar[Timothy] He says that he prefers the classic definitions of continents derived from Ancient Greece.

camavatar[Camestros] Basically pre-scientific conceptions of world geography though…

strawpupavatar[Straw Puppy] wwwoofff?

timavatar[Timothy] He says “what about the urinals?”

camavatar[Camestros] Seriously? How much fluid can that beast hold?

strawpupavatar[Straw Puppy] BARK!

timavatar[Timothy] ooops – sorry. He actually said “what about the murals?”

strawpupavatar[Straw Puppy] GROWWLLL

timavatar[Timothy] URALS! OK I get it now! Sorry. “What about the Urals?”

camavatar[Camestros] I think we have now genuinely lost the plot. Can we move on?

strawpupavatar[Straw Puppy] grrr-woof

timavatar[Timothy] That is a qualified ‘yes’.

camavatar[Camestros] So this Ms. Amitosa is an old nemesis of Joan’s back when they served together in the space navy.

timavatar[Timothy] So is her first name “Ms”?

camavatar[Cametros] I assume that is her title.

timavatar[Timothy] Shouldn’t she be “sergeant” or “captain” or something if she is an officer?

strawpupavatar[Straw Puppy] woof-woof

timavatar[Timothy] He says “commander” like James Bond.

camavatar[Camestros] Her first name is “Yui” and I don’t know why she doesn’t have a rank. Maybe we find out later,

timavatar[Timothy] …but then!

strawpupavatar[Straw Puppy] rhrow?

timavatar[Timothy] …The blobs attack!

camavatar[Camestros] How exciting. And with that we dart back to Mars for Chapter 8. Dario and Jake Dylan are having a bit of personal time at a fancy restaurant.

timavatar[Timothy] Which is strictly a friendly meeting between friendly friends as friends do and I’ll hear no more about it.

camavatar[Camestros] And then back to Chapter 9 and Joan is having to get her team off planet as quick as she can because of a full-on attack by the blobs!

timavatar[Timothy] Just in time she gets away and it is off to Chapter 10, were we meet Antonio a hotheaded underling of Dario, who has discovered that security has a printer unaccounted for!

camavatar[Camestros] Oh, I bet it is General Zhang and they’ve faked her records to make it look like it was one of the rioters and thus inadvertently drawn Dario into this whole thing!

timavatar[Timothy] We are zipping through chapters now! Back to chapter 11 and Joan explains her past history with Ms Amitosa to Trian as the team heads toward Terran space.

camavatar[Camestros] While over in chapter 12, Dario’s conscience is growing about Regency Biotech treat the underlevelers.

timavatar[Timothy] And wham-bam guess who is now in the Martian under levels?

strawpupavatar[Straw Puppy] woof?

timavatar[Timothy] That’s right! Joan’s team has crossed into Terran space. Landed on Mars and infiltrated the underlevels.

strawpupavatar[Straw Puppy] woof woof

timavatar[Timothy] Yup, not unlike Total Recall but not the crappy version with the guy who is all eyebrows.

camavatar[Camestros] And Joan’s AI is still on the blink.

susanavatar[Susan] STOP THIS PODCAST!

camavatar[Camestros] Susan?

strawpupavatar[Straw Puppy] uh-oh

timavatar[Timothy] eeeppp

susanavatar[Susan] Where is that lice ridden, hairy excuse for a carnivore? When I get my hands on him I’ll murder him.

camavatar[Camestros] Metaphorically I hope.

susanavatar[Susan] Oh, you betcha. I’ll murder him metaphorically and when I’m done doing that I’ll murder him literally as well.

camavatar[Camestros] “literally” in the more modern sense of actually metaphorically?

susanavatar[Susan] Oh no, “literally” in the sense of the word “murder” meaning exactly what it says when applied to what I’m going to do to that cat.

timavatar[Timothy] Time to make a sharp exit.

susanavatar[Susan] You can’t hide forever, you fish-flavoured excuse for a flea-circus on legs!

[Sounds of a large animal charging towards the front door in pursuit of a cat howling in panic]

camavatar[Camestros] You wouldn’t know anything about this would you Straw Puppy.

strawpupavatar[Straw Puppy] Nope, not a thing, erm, I mean, woof?

camavatar[Camestros] Well it’s just you and me for the time being. OK chapter 14. Jake Dylan has arranged to help Dario visit the under levels despite Dario’s father warning him not to. Once there Dario sees the harsh conditions they work under but once he is recognised as a senior manager, the people become hostile and Dario is forced to flee. He is separated from Jake and only just manages to escape to the surface. Over to you Straw Puppy for chapter 15.

strawpupavatar[Straw Puppy] woof woof  woof woof woof woof  woof woof woof woof  woof woof woof woof  woof woof woof woof  woof woof woof woof  woof woof woof woof  woof woof woof woof  woof woof woof woof  woof woof woof woof  woof woof woof woof  woof woof woof woof  woof woof woof woof  woof woof woof woof  woof woof woof woof  woof woof

camavatar[Camestros] The key point being Joan’s team meets their man on the inside and GASP! It’s Jake Dylan. He must have used that whole visit to the under levels with Dario as a diversion to get down to meet Joan’s team!

susanavatar[Susan] Damn, that cat can move fast when he needs too.

camavatar[Camestros] Please don’t kill him – he means well.

susanavatar[Susan] No he doesn’t. He is a nasty little quasi-fascist and a congenital psychopath whose only limitation on his capacity for evil is his sheer laziness.

camavatar[Camestros] That seems a tad harsh.

susanavatar[Susan] You said exactly the same thing, WORD FOR WORD, only last week when you discovered he was trying to cast a vote in the US Senate for Obamcare repeal.

camavatar[Camestros] True…but on reflection, that John McCain disguise was impressive.

susanavatar[Susan] YOU MADE IT FOR HIM!

camavatar[Camestros] I thought it was cosplay for a convention! I don’t know, some kind of thing that’s like the opposite of Furries – where furry animals dress up as humans.

susanavatar[Susan] Well this time he went too far. He locked me in the museum and then told the police that I had broken in so that I’d get arrested.

camavatar[Camestros] But he said you were tired after a long day’s galumphing and needed a nap?

susanavatar[Susan] A tissue of lies – apparently some friend of his had asked to come on this podcast so he needed me “out of the picture”.

strawpupavatar[Straw Puppy] uh-oh

camavatar[Camestros] Hey! Come back Pups!

susanavatar[Susan] Ah the co-conspirator is fleeing the scene of the crime!

camavatar[Camestros] OK, we’ve got one chapter left to go Susan. Do you want give us your impressions of Chapter 16?

susanavatar[Susan] So, Dario’s dad finds out about his trip to the under levels. Dario himself checks the security footage and sees that Jake Dylan was up to something and then his mother turns up. Feels like a lot of pointless stuff surrounding a couple of plot relevant points.

camavatar[Camestros] You sound unimpressed?

susanavatar[Susan] I just don’t like Dario very much and prefer the Joan chapters. He’s a bit whiny.

camavatar[Camestros] OK time for overall ratings:

Being framed for a crime you didn’t commit: -2 stars

Stars: no additional stars this time

Realms: 1 blob

Rescues: 1 star

Running: 2 stars as Dario does run from an angry mob

Charlene the Space Marine: 0 stars due to not appearing

Non-sparkly vampires/dinosaurs: as yet no signs of either.

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9 thoughts on “Pod the Third of The Book Club Roundtable Discussion Club Non-Audio Podcast Club

  1. Joan’s attack of the blobs called forth some very peculiar mental images for me. But that may be because I am a base person of low and dubious tastes.

    (Are they actually blobs in the book? And referred to as such? Arthur C. Clarke at least dignified his amorphous aliens with the title of Mucoids….)

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  2. I may or may not have thought “SUSAN! Yay!” halfway through. Sensible as always. I hope she can straighten out the police matter.

    Things at Felapton Towers would run more smoothly if Susan was around more, though I doubt she wants the job.

    Greeks have black hair and dark eyes, so even if Straw Puppy is using their definition, Europe’s got people traditionally like that. Also, that clause was terribly awkwardly worded. Bad writing.

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  3. I’ll remind that this is a game tie-in so worldbuilding elements like “Blobs” was out of my control and was part of the game. I did the best I could do with that particular instance 🙂 .

    Thanks for reading!

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  4. LOL. Understood. I did make conscious different decisions for the pace of the two books all the same 🙂

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