Next Week’s News

Just to try and stay on top of it:

  • Hobby Lobby  executive apologises for accidently giving ISIS a small nuclear device in exchange for an ‘ancient Bible’ that was actually a piece of concrete into which somebody had written ‘ancient bible’ with a stick while the concrete was setting.
  • North Korea announces that they have acquired a ‘small nuclear device’ – apparently bought from ISIS in exchange for an ‘ancient Koran’ that was actually a piece of concrete into which somebody had written ‘ancient Koran’ with a stick while the concrete was setting.
  • Hobby Lobby  executive apologises for accidentally summoning an ancient Mesopotamian demon trapped inside a cuneiform stela on which somebody had recently written ‘an ancient Bible’ with a sharpie.
  • North Korea destroys anicent Mesopotamian demon using a small nuclear devices after Hobby Lobby pays them with a vintage copy of one of Kim Il-sung’s speeches.
  • North Korea vows vengance against Hobby Lobby when it doscovers that the supposed ‘vintage copy’ is actually a 2003 Hobby Lobby brochure soaked in tea.
  • Amid the growing Hobby Lobby/North Korea stand off, the President of the United States tries to calm world anxiety by tweeting a 4Chan meme about MSNBC.
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One comment

  1. KR

    Customs and Border Protection should be on the lookout for Hobby Lobby’s importation of a modestly-priced “snow globe” from Saudi Arabia. In actuality, that’ll be…. the orb.

    Liked by 3 people