With polls closed across the U.K., we can release our exclusive exit poll:
The Rainbow Hued Ghost of David Bowie: 61%
That guy who looks like your uncle: 38%
Supporting character from Harry Potter movies who wasn’t actually in the books; 27%
The Grumpy Middle Aged Guy Shouting at Kids Playing Football in the Street Party: 13%
The Liberal Please Forgive Us Party We’ve Changed, Honest 12.32%
Imagine a Boot Stamping on a Human Face Forever Party 47%
Scotland as a General Concept: 38%
Boris Johnson’s Hair: -45%
Creepy Guy Muttering Under His Breath About Frenchmen Stealing His Junk Mail: 12%
Totals may not add to 100% due to rounding and innumeracy.
I’m pretty sure Boris Johnson’s hair is now residing on Donald Trump’s head with the same disastrous results.
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See, this is why Geert Wilders couldn’t make a breakthrough in the Netherlands. Nothing to do with not being right-wing enough, it’s simply that his hair was too sensible.
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No, Drumpf had the hair first. Boris is apparently wearing some second-choice or cast-off version.
Donnie-boy’s hair is that way to act as a yoooge combover — but Boris could get a haircut if he wanted to, so I think it’s even more useless.
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Honestly I’ve always thought that BoJo’s hair would do better as a solo act, instead of dragging that buffoon around underneath it.
Anyway I had no idea the Torys had rebranded their party to “imagine a boot stamping on a human face forever” – but it does fit better with their policies than the word “Conservative”.
Sadly for the Liberal Please Forgive Us Party, they will not be forgiven probably until my generation and the generation after us has died.
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Snake’s hair strikes again…
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I would happily support both the ghost of Bowie and Scotland as a general (or specific) concept.
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