Popular SF editor & Trump Surrogate Denies Meeting Russian Officials

Cattimothy House Chief Editor has found himself caught in the growing scandal around Russian links to the Trump campaign. Timothy the Talking Cat has vehemently denied having any contact with Russia, the Russian Government or Russian business interests despite a photograph in the Bortsworth Gazette & Advertiser showing Timothy in the company of the Russian Ambassador to the United States.


When reached for comment Timothy said:

“That photo is fake news. I never met those people. Also, they were not Russians. Also, I was meeting them in my capacity as chairman of the Bortsworth & District Squirrel Prevention Society and not in my capacity as a surrogate for the Trump campaign. Also, I don’t wear green suits and also that suit was at the dry-cleaners that day. Anyway, how do you know those guys are Russian? Just because they LOOK Russian? You’re the real racists.”

The Trump administration had this to say: “Timothy the what?  Who is this? How did you get this number? Look buster, we have enough problems without prank calls about cats. Call again and you’ll be getting a visit from the Secret Service.”

The Russian consulate and dry-cleaners in Bortsworth Town Centre were more forthcoming.

“Тимоти очень забавная кошка. Нам нравится ему очень. Мы любим его выходки с белками. Но мы не настоящие русские. Мы всего лишь Google перевести алгоритм одичал” said a strange tinny voice that emmenated from a grating outside a deserted shop front.

“I guess the shop is closed.” I said wistfully.

“But how will I get my suit back now?” asked Timothy petulantly.

“No idea,” I shrugged, “also, this story seems to have changed pace and style mid-way through”.

“I loved that suit.”

“I know,” I said and patted the beleaguered cat on his tiny head.



  1. KR

    Take special care if Timothy’s tries to book your next vaccination jab. He’s been spotted at the embassy at Konspiratovskii Prospekt taking tea Dr Paul Onium.


  2. ligne

    say what you like about Timothy — the megalomania, the dubious taste in books, the unbecoming attitude towards squirrels, the megalomania, the talking — that is one sharp suit.

    Liked by 1 person