Timothy for President

The conservative movement needs unity and direction more than ever. For years the Republican Party has used an elephant as its symbols. Elephants suck – I mean they are literally famous for sucking. If you wanted an animal to symbolize sucking you would pick an elephant. The only animal with more sucktitude is the octopus. Wait – or are the Republicans the one with the donkey? I can’t remember but it doesn’t matter, donkey’s suck too.

A cat would be much better:

  1. we are very focused
  2. we can manipulate liberal SJWs
  3. we don’t poo everywhere unlike some people
  4. we are the best

I’m so obviously the unity candidate the Grand Old Party needs.

Yours Contestedly

Timothy the Talking Cat